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ЖизньНа кого подписаться: Истории женщин, переживших выкидыш

Психолог из Лос-Анджелеса проводит кампанию, выводящую из тени очень сложную тему

На кого подписаться: Истории женщин, переживших выкидыш — Жизнь на Wonderzine

Продолжаем рассказывать о достойных аккаунтах в соцсетях, через которые можно рассматривать целый мир.

Инстаграм ihadamiscarriage с одноимённым хештегом был запущен лос-анджелесским психологом Джессикой Цукер. Цукер специализируется на проблемах, связанных с женским репродуктивным здоровьем и беременностью. Аккаунт задумывался практически как дневник: женщина сама пережила выкидыш и постаралась осмыслить это тяжёлое событие с помощью социальной сети. Чуть позже она предложила другим столкнувшимся с замершей беременностью и выкидышами открыто или анонимно выступить на этой странице. На сегодняшний день там собраны десятки историй — удивительный уровень гласности для темы, о которой принято молчать. Мысли, отношение к ситуации и способы выражения чувств ничем не ограничены, и поэтому здесь легко встретить и открытые письма к собственному телу, и откровенные признания в очень интимных переживаниях, и истории со счастливым финалом.

«Большое количество исследований показывает, что после остановки беременности женщины испытывают стыд и чувство вины. Мне нужно было это осмыслить», — объясняет доктор. Cтатистические данные из разных стран гласят, что выкидышем заканчиваются от 15 до 30 % всех беременностей, и назвать это явление редким просто невозможно. Тем не менее дискуссии и общественной информированности за пределами медицинских кругов всё ещё не хватает. С наращиванием масштабов кампании у Цукер появилась и атрибутика: в интернет-магазине можно найти значки и поддерживающие открытки, а также футболки с надписями «Rainbow mama» и «Rainbow babe» (так называют детей, родившихся после грустного события). К своей главной цели — дать множеству женщин почувствовать, что в своей беде они не одиноки — этот инстаграм молниеносно движется с каждым днём.

"After the preschool orientation, I go straight home and get into bed. I keep thinking about those pregnant women in their tiny chairs. I'm so envious of their healthy bodies, and curse my own. Then I feel guilty for my envy. Who knows what those women have been through themselves? I like all the baby photos I see on Instagram as penance for my thoughts. _ I don't know what else to do, so I take a Unisom, an over-the-counter sleep medication that is OK for me to take. I wish I had a real drug, like Klonopin, but it's not safe for pregnant women. I wonder if I'm still legitimately in the category of pregnant women, or if I should binge on benzos and sushi without a care, because it might not matter anymore. I keep thinking about the black hole in my stomach and start to cry. I fall into a fitful, sweaty nap. _ I wake up with a steely resolve and call the doctor. I tell him I want to be able to get a D&C as soon as possible if it is confirmed that the pregnancy is not viable. I don't want to keep carrying around an empty sac any longer than I have to. It's morbid and depressing. He says he can schedule the D&C, but that we might not get a definitive answer at the next ultrasound and we'll have to wait a little longer. If the sac is still very small, a D&C could fail; there could be complications. _ There is, of course, also still a possibility that the pregnancy is a healthy one. "You don't want to terminate a healthy, wanted pregnancy because you're impatient," he says. He's right — I don't. I just wish I had some control." _ Profoundly on point piece by @jess_lenny for @lennyletter. Read the rest on The Lenny Letter site. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #miscarriage #motherhood #pregnancyloss #grief #loss #1in4 // Photo of @anhwisle.

Публикация от Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage)

These important words by @karynstarr: "Some pre-Mother's Day thoughts... This holiday is really hard for a lot people in my orbit. I have so many friends who desperately want a baby and don't have one... So many people who have lost babies and children... Many who have lost their own mothers recently or years ago. And friends who have chosen not to have children and are often made to feel like they are less for making this very considered choice. All women are mothers. We are all born with a womb. I am not better or more important for having birthed children. We love this sweet holiday in our family and we indeed to celebrate it but we also hold our friends and loved ones in our hearts who are really struggling. And I am sure I will miss our baby girl a little more tomorrow." _ Commissioned artwork by @samanthajhahn. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #mothersday #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #infantloss #grief #loss #1in4 #miscarriage #motherhood

Публикация от Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage)

Dear Uterus by @griefandwaiting, _ "We’ve experienced a lot together. Two years ago, the timing for a baby felt right. This was the moment we, you and I, had been waiting for, and you didn’t disappoint. After two months of trying, you began to nestle life into your walls. I was ecstatic and so proud of you, of us. _ And then it happened. You started contracting with pain, like a flashing red light warning that something was wrong. I begged you to stop. This was our moment. I couldn’t understand what was making you so upset. But you decided to abort our mission and to release our not-quite-ready project. _ I hated you. You had failed me and hurt me to my core. How could you have been so selfish, so cruel to decide for us? You may not have been ready, but I was. Those first periods after, you were gentle with me. And reluctantly, I came back around, but I didn’t trust you anymore. _ Months went by. Months of anger, months of regular, painful periods, months of trying and waiting. And one year later, you again made space for a new life. All of my frustration with your timing vanished. I felt gratitude and hope. _ This time I was very careful with you, often supporting you with my hands. You were so precious to me. But the warning pains came again, and with it a new loss. This second time I felt more compassion toward you. You hadn’t purposefully emptied yourself. You had done what was necessary. _ I still grieve our losses, but I do so with more respect for you because I realize that you’re trying too. You are resilient, fragile and strong, and you’re doing the best you can." _ #IHadAMiscarriage // Photo + panties by Eleanor Beth Haswell.

Публикация от Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage)

Life is Fragile and Reminders are Sharp by @halfietruths. Stories from around the world (Nashville). Posted with permission. _ "When @BlueSageBoutique sent me this shirt, I was so excited bc I knew exactly how I was going to rock it. It was the perfect way to announce that our little family was GROWing and then I could use it to track my belly growth! So sweet, so perfect...until it wasn't. -- Life changes so quickly. One minute, we were planning the wedding of our dreams, the next minute we were expecting and just as we were settling into the universe's new plan for us, life quickly changed again. -- I knew I would eventually write about what we went through bc it's how I keep the feelings from consuming me, but I thought I'd wait until there was a moment of reflection bc no one wants to hear about losing babies & the dreams lost with them, without hearing about the light you found at the end of the darkness. -- That's so deeply unfair. We talk about fighting terminal illnesses, like cancer, which are deeply complex and sad, and those affected are deemed fighters & survivors and rightfully so, but we don't talk about infertility or pregnancy and infant loss, yet it's so common. 1 in 4 women miscarry and sadly, there are are women getting more than their fair share of this statistic or not even making it in on the statistic at all. I am 1 in 4. Death has come for me, it has won more than once and definitely in more ways than one. I am a fighter. I am a survivor. I am still here. I will write about it now. -- My family is GROWing. I am growing. We aren't growing in the ways we hoped for, but we are growing nonetheless. So I will write about it now bc I know at least 1 in 4 women is growing in ways they didn't intend to or hope for, but are growing nonetheless. I will write about it now because I'm not alone. They are not alone. @dolewite101 & I are not alone. I will write as I grow back into the light✨ -- Thank you Christina @BlueSageBoutique. I loved the shirt then and I love the shirt still💚 it will forever remind me that I'm stronger than I know." _ #IHadAMiscarriage #miscarriage #grief #loss #1in4 #halfietruths #growinthedark #growintothelight

Публикация от Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage)

Different Grief by Jessica Costanzo @hitch160. Stories from around the world. Posted with permission. _ "Our son was 2 and we were ready to add to our family. We became pregnant with our second son and were very excited. At our 16 week ultrasound, the doctor came in and said, “I have serious concerns for this pregnancy.” The diagnosis was bilateral multicystic dysplastic kidneys - neither kidney had formed correctly — they were just balls of cysts. I waited for the doctor to tell us the solution. There was none. One cystic kidney can be managed, but two is very rare (1 in 10,000) and fatal. Because there were no kidneys, he could not form amniotic fluid and would not develop lungs. The doctor also did not see a bladder or stomach and the deformed kidneys were so large that his heart was displaced. If the pregnancy went full-term, our son would not live, and if he somehow did, it would be a short life in pain. Our options were to end the pregnancy then, wait to see if the pregnancy ended itself, or wait to see if the pregnancy went to term at risk to my health. If we waited to term, he could be stillborn or live for only a short time on dialysis awaiting a kidney transplant that would almost certainly not be successful. My husband and I decided to end the pregnancy. Waiting over a week for the next available hospital slot for my abortion procedure was the most emotionally draining experience of my life. At 18 weeks, we terminated the pregnancy and said goodbye to our son. After a year of grieving, we decide to try again. We have since miscarried our third pregnancy. While the grief that comes with termination and miscarriage is different, they do share one thing - the heartbreaking loss of what may have been." _ #IHadAMiscarriage // Photo by @thedark_illusion found via @afroellemag.

Публикация от Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage)

@littlebirddoula - a participant in the #IHadAMiscarriage campaign rainbow mama photo shoot - shares: "Purposeful | Breastmilk is liquid gold - pure energy and life. Carrying it around with me for just over four years gave me this feeling. This sureness and feeling of purpose. No matter how dressed I got for the day or whether or not my makeup or hair was done, I always felt useful. _ The cursing and wishing weaning would come as I found myself dealing with hardcore aversion seems so petty as I look back. Though at the time it was so real and so defeating. _ I miss nursing and the daily meditation that came with it. The feeling of purpose and offering my time and energy, always made me feel like I was giving all that I could to them. Transitioning has been more difficult even almost a year after our last nurse. _ Did you deal with grief after weaning? Did you mourn the loss of breastfeeding?" _ Photograph of @littlebirddoula founder of @motherhoodrising. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #fedisbest #breastfeeding #motherhood #miscarriage #grief #loss #1in4 #pregnancyafterloss #rainbowbaby

Публикация от Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage)

@channelfrida shares: After the first miscarriage I thought about getting a small halo tattoo that only I would see and understand the meaning of. Never did I imagine I would go through it 3 more times in less than 11 months. _ Now that we have an answer and a hopeful solution, I decided to spend this waiting period before surgery and before TTC again to design this tattoo with the help of an amazingly talented and gracious tattoo artist. One birth month flower for every due date we will mourn. Two hearts, mine and my husband's, amidst the garden. _ Sitting for this tattoo was a strange and emotional experience. The physical pain was rough, but nothing compared to the past year, and I kept thinking this tribute was oddly fitting. _ I look forward to the moment I will be able to wrap these arms around our rainbow baby, and one day share the meaning of my mural of flowers with them. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #miscarriage #grief #recurrentmiscarriage #loss #rainbowbaby #pregnancyafterloss #motherhood

Публикация от Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage)

@thetinymumma in London, bonding with her babe while wearing the rainbow mama tee, shares: "Today is a bit of an odd day for me. I've got a pap smear test. The last time i had one of these I was totally unaware I was pregnant. As I lay there on the table waiting for the nurse to do her thing I hear her say "Sorry I'm unable to take a swab, there is blood, are you on your period?" I went home confused as I didn't get periods because of my pill. I bled for the next few days and then something fell out. A tiny human. My eyes couldn't unsee what I had seen, you had arms and legs and a head. I was so angry at myself. How did I not know you were there? I lost that baby just before Christmas 2013, and gave birth to my beautiful baby boy just after Christmas 2016. It feels like it's come full circle, I am healed and so blessed to have my rainbow baby 🌈 my Atlas, my world 🌎 But even so as I lay there on that table, today still feels like an odd day." _ #IHadAMiscarriage #rainbowbaby #miscarriage #pregnancyafterloss #motherhood #1in4 #grief #loss // Rainbow mama and babe tees and enamel pins are available in my online shop. Designed by @annerobincallig.

Публикация от Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage)

@ello.vanessa shares: "I first got pregnant at 21 when I was a sophomore in college. I knew right away that it wasn’t my time to bring a child into this world. I had too many people to make “proud”. No one really talked about abortions but the mental and physical pain I endured lasted for years. _ Seven years later I got pregnant again, with no thoughts in my mind that I would miscarry. Six weeks into the pregnancy I started bleeding, and knew something wasn’t right. I got confirmation from the doctor. This miscarriage was physically painful. _ A year later I got an unexpected positive pregnancy test with a big red sign blinking in my mind ...“miscarriage”. I couldn’t help but think that this pregnancy was going to meet the same fate as the previous one. We got to see our little bean twice before our 14 week check up. Fourteen weeks and the horrible words of, “I’m sorry the baby has no heartbeat”. I remember that day like it was yesterday. The skies seemed to be the brightest blue through my water-filled eyes and broken heart. This miscarriage was so emotionally painful. What a long journey this has been - and I don't know what's in store for our future. _ I find hope in sharing my story and letting other women know that they're not alone. So if you're reading this because you're going through it, weather the storm and stand strong. Clear skies are on the way." _ #IHadAMiscarriage #miscarriage #recurrentmiscarriage #grief #loss #1in4 #pregnancyafterloss

Публикация от Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage)

I'm heading to Japan next weekend to explore the traditions and rituals surrounding pregnancy loss. To visit places created to specifically acknowledge the mourning process: Jizo statues, temples, cemeteries. _ But just yesterday while sitting with patient after patient, it dawned on me that even though our culture doesn't have standardized ways of memorializing loss, my office (and countless offices around the world) has become a sanctuary of sorts. The amount of love expressed within those 4 walls could deem the space holy almost. _ My work is an honor - witnessing and processing the pain that accompanies these journeys - the hope, the anxiety, the poignant vulnerability. Sitting with the intensity of wanting but ultimately not knowing. _ Although we exchange words during therapy sessions, there is an abounding sense of grounding meditation. Ritual in the making. Simultaneous to words, gentle breath. Lost babies spoken about and felt deep within our bones. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #miscarriage #stillbirth #pregnancyloss #grief #loss #motherhood #pregnancyafterloss #1in4

Публикация от Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage)

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